"SUFFER" from MS?

Is my MS so bad that I suffer from it? It has held me back at times. It has weighed on my psyche. Fatigue, heat, loss of balance, wonky eyes, tingling, moments in the restroom...those are all symptoms that I have. I prefer to think that I am learning to almost block them out. Sure, I stop every now and then and take inventory to see how I'm doing. But, for the last year, the symptoms have not worsened, and I have proven that I am still able to function in my business world. If people don't already know, and I don't tell them, they would not know that I have MS.

I know we all deal with our MS differently. I know our MS is different from individual to individual. Our support group's are all different. I live with my dog and no other family members. My nearest family is over 900 miles away. How do I do it, I ask myself sometimes. I am not debilitated, but knowing I have a disease that can be debilitating can have an emotional effect; which again, we all deal with in our own personal and individual way.

Lately, I have spent more time trying to do the things I want to do, whether I feel fatigued or not. I do them and I concentrate on overcoming the physical and emotional fatigue that I feel; mind over MS, I call it! I give myself a personal pat on the back for doing it and I feel joy and accomplishment. It takes pushing. Having the idea to do something is easy. Planning to do it, still easy. The last step; actually going through the front door out into the world to do whatever you have planned, that is the biggest hurdle for me. Over the last year, there have been many events I have planned for, only to stop at my front door when the time came. It was easy for me to blame it on the physical fatigue of MS, but really, it was the failure of my mind to win that battle.

I guess, I am writing this because I have been out reading other people's blogs and I read where someone said, "I suffer from MS." And, part of me wanted to disagree with that statement. But, I don't know that person. I don't know how bad it is for him. I don't know what kind of support he has. And, THAT is why I was out reading his blog. I need to go back and read more, and I will. Right now though, I am here writing and I want to finish. I started out writing this blog entry to say that we shouldn't be "suffering" from MS! The more I thought about it, the more I wrote, the more I knew that YES!, I "suffer" from MS. My life suffers. I let MS get the best of me. It is hard to not let it. I wish all my blog entries could be about how I beat my MS! But, that isn't true. There are many times it gets the best of me. I will have my victories, though. And, I guarantee I will be here sharing them when I get one! MIND OVER MS! I'm not ready to give up...

Well, this was a Saturday morning rambler...