MORE OF FRITZ HADRON

And, why my blog is called:

"The End Of The World Will Have to Wait Until Next Year..."

Well, I really enjoyed writing as Fritz and the few who have read his blog entries have commented positively, so while the anniversary of my MS diagnosis is still fresh, I will unleash some more of Fritz. I hope you enjoy. Yes, some of the stories get a little risque, but it is all innuendo and the stories are as innocent as you want to make them. Enjoy!

Entry 3

What a way to kick off Oktoberfest or should I say, what we were calling the LHC Sausagefest! YES, the celebration BBQ was a rousing success.  The two Swiss Robinson twins were killer in drag and quite enthusiastic when the band played the chicken dance. And lab assistant Juanita Riley from the Bronx provided some fine entertainment on the main table. I think we may have experienced our first glimpse of what its like for a black hole to evaporate, if you know what I mean. Now there was some real honest to goodness elastic scattering and diffraction dissociation there, my friends. The forces of nature were colliding forming what the layman might call new hot dense states of matter that could only exist right after the big bang! Higgs bosons and supersymmetric particles were everywhere! BUT, I digress just a tad. An aside to the partygoing... Old Man Evans dropped the key to his Beamer during his ummm, protocol review with lab assistant Jones and we will have to depolarize the cryo magnets for the next week, so we can pry it loose. Yes, we can detect the smallest of subatomic particles in this rat-trap, but we can't do it overnight. Keep pushing the button my friends!

Entry 4

This isn’t going to SURPRISE anyone.  There are varying theories about what will happen here at the LHC, cutely named “Halo” by our jealous professionals at the Royal Society of Chemistry in London , but that is another story, AND we completely reject that name, by the way…friggin’ gamers. To get to my point and to make a long story short, we have been fending off this annoying lawsuit filed in Hawaii of all places. Anyways, I am really HUNGOVER from our Sausage festivities the other night and also quite puzzled why my knees are raw, my backside is sore and it smells of turbine oil, but again, that’s another story. I remember some really good times and the times I don’t remember, I think I want them to stay there. Let's just say I'm hanging up the Spam Waitress outfit back in the closet, pun intended.  What was I saying? OH YES, I am struggling to keep my mind on this Complaint for Temporary Restraining Order filed by Mr.’s Sancho and Wagner who have this fear that we may be more capable of accomplishing our goals than ANYONE and they have gone on record in the courts to say that we may be creating stranglets, micro black holes, magnetic monopoles and such. Poppycock! Let me say, IF the particle collisions we create were to convert into two massive particles with north and south magnetic monopoles that resulted in the catalytic decay of atoms and protons, AND caused them to convert other types of matter in a runaway reaction AND this resulted in the Earth’s poles reversing/flipping, all that means is that come this February, Punxsutawney Phil will not see his shadow and there WILL NOT be 6 more weeks of winter. Do I hear any applause?... yes, you are very welcome!  Where’s the harm! We can just blame it on global warming just like everyone else, and no one is the wiser!  We all know they have absolutely no scientific basis for THEIR “wacko” conclusions!  Based on that, I’m sure we can get this frivolous lawsuit dismissed.  Namaste, my friends!

WHY MY BLOG IS CALLED

The End of the World Will Have to Wait Until Next Year...

Right about the time I was being poked, biopsied, tapped, brain-scanned and having my wallet lifted for the doctor bills, that resulted in my MS diagnosis; I decided to pen some fiction using the pen-name of Fritz Hadron. I wrote this in the first-person, and as Fritz, I was a free-spirited lab physicist toiling in the tunnels of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) located in Cern, Switzerland, on the border of France. Basically, the LHC had just fired up for it's initial start-up, but had encountered some serious issues with the huge electro-magnets that line the testing tunnels. I don't want to go all into the technical reasonings behind that, but at the time, there were a few "anti-progress zealots," I will call them, that were fearful that the LHC would be a world-destroyer when it was to finally fire-up successfully, causing a micro-blackhole, stranglet or some other runaway physics-experiment-gone-amok that would suck up all matter as we know it. So, being one of twisted humor and wit, I assumed the personality of Fritz Hadron, speaking to the masses in his blog from his underground lab 70 meters below the surface, informing readers that "the end of the world would have to wait until next year" as the repairs were made to the LHC. It was good therapy for me and the title-phrase I used stuck in my mind as a great phrase to describe my defiant attitude, masked in my own brand of wryness, towards MS. Today, September 10, 2009, one year after I was "officially" diagnosed with MS, I will share with you my first Fritz Hadron blog-entries. Here goes:

Entry 1

The LHC is broke...on the fritz. But, when we get it working again, even if a tiny black hole is formed, a big if, we promise it will evaporate immediately, we think...its in our report. Yes, we have never witnessed a black hole evaporating, but if our theory is correct there will be no fear of an incident. But, look on the bright side. If we can create a black hole, we can probably create a wormhole, too, and we will be able to escape the vacuous attraction of the black hole and humanity can colonize to other corners of the universe.

Entry 2

OK, all is not lost. In order to fix the wire that shorted out the electromagnet; a major embarrassment to us; we have to wait two months for the LHC to warm up from the previously super-cooled temperature below 2K. That's cold! To temper our disappointment, we have been officially recognized by Guiness Book of World Records for the world's largest refrigerator. This is an accomplishment that we are extraordinarily proud of and to celebrate we have scheduled a BBQ for all laboratory personnel. We are determined to not let the 10,000 tonnes of liquid nitrogen and 130 tonnes of superfluid helium (1% of the global annual production) to go to waste. Ten kegs of unfiltered Eichbaum Kellerbier have been placed in Sector 6/7. The first keg will be tapped at 1100 hours and partying will ensue. The theme for the BBQ is anything Monty Python, and that means men are allowed to dress in drag, so the complaints that we have received in the past about "too many guys, not enough women" should not come into play.Should be a good time for all! I'll be dressed as the Spam Waitress. See you in the tunnels!!!